Tuesday, August 19, 2008

my biggest vice

i suppose my biggest vice is that i stress out when i don't know EVERYTHING.  its no fun to live life on a schedule.  i know that better than anybody.  but having a schedule and a plan is so secure.

for the first time since kindergarten my days, weeks, months even years are not mapped out for me.  i feel like i am on an emotional roller coaster.  on the one hand i LOVE the freedom of being able to do pretty much what i want when i want to do it. i am having a great time meeting new people and trying new things. its amazing!!  most of the time i think i am not only ok with not jumping into my career right away, i think its a good choice.  i have been so driven and working so hard for so long, with school and dance, that i have never taken time to "stop and smell the roses"

but there is a part of me that is disappointed in myself, or maybe embarrassed.  i mean, i have graduated from college and i am still working at cinema city.  there is no reason for me to be living at home, waiting for every paycheck to get my bills paid.  up until six months ago i was so eager to "grow up" and did everything i possibly could to get to where i am as soon as possible.  now that i am here, i don't think i am quite ready to grow up after all.  i mean sure, it would be nice to be making a little more money, do something a little bit more satisfying, but i don't want to settle into monday through friday at school from 7-6 to come home and crash from exhaustion and have no motivation to have any kind of fun. does that make me immature? or is that "acting my age"? i never really knew where that line is. 

Thursday, August 14, 2008

things can change so quickly

So my last blog was written on April 24.   Today is August 14, so that's what. . . exactly 16 weeks ago. . . or about four months.  well, things have changed

As far as school goes, i AM still done at chapman, but i am not going to fjc this fall.  i have a job opportunity at the school i am working at that will be awesome, and is only a semester to a year long commitment.  that being said, i am postponing taking those last two classes in hopes that i get this job.  

as far as cinema city is concerned, i quit in june.  my last shift was june 20. . . however i only lasted 6 weeks without the place, so i am right back where i was.  my first shift back was august 5.  haha    i am actually pretty happy to be back. i think the break was good for me, i no longer want to shoot myself in the head when i am there.  quite a few new people have been hired since i left so i am still trying to get to know everyone, but other than that its pretty cool

all of my friends are still gone, and christine had to go back to illinois once school was out, and liz never really did come home for  the summer cuz stuff came up for her, so for the first few weeks life was pretty boring.  to make things even worse, brady and i broke up about a week after our 18 months.  for those of you who are mutual friends of both of us, i am sure you have heard both sides of the story.  the fairest i can think to describe for those of you who want to know "what happened" is this.  i realized that there were things missing from the relationship that i had been trying to ignore. he presented some views that we a bit surprising to me, we both thought that we needed time as individuals to get our lives straightened and therefore, we broke up with the intention of remaining friends.  unfortunately, for whatever reason, we failed at the remaining friends thing and now we are just working on being friendly co-workers (because, of course, we are working together again)

besides the general problems that come with any break up, i have had another battle to face.  with all of my close friends gone, not having a boyfriend means not having a social life.  four months ago i was so busy i barely had time to breathe. if i talked to my best friends on the phone it was a good week, and i only really saw brady once a week outside of work.  friends weren't really something i had time for.  now that summer was going on, i had no school, no coaching, i wasn't working at the theatre- i had 24 hours a day of free time, and no good friends around.  it was a little rough.  luckily for me, the last time liz was out we connected with an old friend from high school, so i have been hanging out with him a bit.  also, some of my friends from the theatre started letting me in on the social events and i have gotten back connected with them that way, even started meeting some new people, making new friends.  i have also recently started becoming closer to shenise, kevin's girlfriend.    i have a habit of mostly making friends with guys so having a girl to confide in is always nice :)

other than that, my life has been pretty laid back.  i am enjoying my time of leisure, but as always, i am looking forward to school starting up! what's weird is knowing that this time school starting up doesn't mean homework and tests for me, it means dancing and my team!!! i am really excited for this year, we have a great group of kids.  they seem really motivated and are hard working.  even hanny and donald are progressing really well.  i have some great music to choreograph to for competitions, and with less stress on me this year, ill have more time to work with them to get them looking even better than last year! and last year was a great year.

i also mentioned in my last post that i was in the process of adopting a puppy.  i can't believe that four months ago i was only in the process!!! Ky is very much a part of the family now and growing ridiculously fast!  He is 1/4 wolf, 1/4 husky, and  1/2 german shepherd. I took him to the vet today and he is already 46 pounds. . . (he was only 6 pounds when we brought him home on may 10)  he is the best puppy anyone could hope for.  he is well behaved (for the most part- he is a PUPPY after all) super cute, and is just happy to be around us!  As soon as I get a camera that takes decent pictures i will upload them here so everyone can see just how cute he really is! and how fast he is growing!

all in all, my life is in a completely different place than i would have expected it to be had you asked me to predict when i wrote my first blog.  however, i really think everything is going for the best and i am really excited for what is to come.